i sit here, 2 weeks and almost to the hour that i finished the Boston Marathon.... my suitcase is still not completly unpacked. in fact, i still have the gifts that i bought the kids inside there - i was so happy to see them the day i arrived home from Boston, that i forgot to give them their gifts.
i have dreamed of wearing this blue Boston Marathon jacket for a LONG time --- i would see people at other races wearing their Boston jackets and think to myself "I can't wait to wear mine someday" - but somehow i find myself leaving the jacket in my closet - is it because i don't want people to ask me about what happened after the marathon?... where i was that day?.... or the fact that many were not able to finish the marathon that day.... or the many that were injured or killed that day..... i don't know the answer. (in the photo - my running journal, marathon mylar blanket, finisher's medal, marathon passport, 5k volunteer badge, bib number, THE jacket, and race shirt.... AND the mile 27 ticket to the House of Blues - an event that did not take place.)
lots of people have told me that it's good to write about the things that happened that day - so here's a few after stories and thoughts
as i mentioned before, i came back to my apartment that afternoon and watched the events unfold on tv. i think i stayed up until 1:30am. as i sat in my apartment that night - the sounds of sirens circled the city over and over and over again. i was in a ground unit apartment and i kept the curtains closed. i locked my door and packed up all my things - just in case i needed to evacuate. i had so many people call me (people that i didn't know had my number), text me, and email me - wondering if i was ok. i finally fell asleep but woke up around 4:30am and couldn't go back to sleep. the sirens were now longer going off and i couldn't help but wonder what was going on outside my place and in the city of Boston. i turned on the tv and watched what seemed to be the same news clips over and over and over again. at one point - i thought maybe this was all a dream... that none of this really happened and i was just exhausted and overwhelmed from the race. i was scared to peak out my ground floor windows. i waited until daylight and decided to go "up" and see what was going on. i walked out onto the sidewalk and it was eerily quiet. there is no other way to describe it. it was a tuesday morning and every other day that i walked out of the apartment during my stay - the streets were full of people and trucks unloading at the local businesses. on that day - there were a few people out, but not many. i put on an old sweatshirt - not my marathon jacket as i had originally intended on wearing until it FELL off of me in shreds :) i wasn't sure that i wanted anyone to know that i had run the marathon.... but maybe my slow saunter or should i say hobbling around due to my sore hamstrings, sore butt muscles, sore quads, sore calfs, and sore bicepts (yes, who's bicepts are sore after RUNNING a marathon! - sigh) gave me away. i walked quietly with my head to the ground, afraid to look around, a few blocks up to the local convenience store to get a newspaper. as i chatted with the clerk - he immediately asked me if i had run the marathon. i said yes, we talked about where i was and my experience - then he told me that he and his wife were supposed to go the bar where the explosion occured. he said that they go there every year after attending the baseball game and meet up with friends. he said this year they did not go because he had to work at the store later that evening and his wife was pregnant. his friends did go to the bar and one of them lost their leg.
i walked back to my apartment, intended to read the paper while i ate breakfast, but ended up watching the same news clips again over and over and over again. i kept thinking to myself - did this really happen? i force-fed myself some Trader Joe's cheerios --- i wasn't hungry but how often to i get to shop at Trader Joe's! :) i packed up the rest of my things and headed to the airport early... i wasn't sure what the security would be like. i'll admit - i was a little nervous about taking the subway, i knew it was open but i wasn't sure what i would encounter. i began my 0.75 mile walk to the subway station. this time, i DID have on my Boston jacket. about 4 blocks from my apartment, there was a fire station. a fireman was standing outside the station and he smiled and waved to me. he started talking - asking me if i was able to finish the race. we chatted for a few minutes and he said "will you come back next year?" i said absolutely! ... if my 20 second BQ time is good enough to get me in :) he was happy to hear my response. he told me that a few blocks up the road was a GREAT pizza place -- everyone at the firestation loved the pizza place - but they didn't open until 11:15. i told him i would have to try it next year. as i walked another block, i came to a couple older gentleman having a cup of coffee outside - they immediately stood up as i walked by (almost as if i was a celebrity) - they both tipped their hats and said to me "did you finish the race?". i said yes, i was one of the fortunte runners yesterday. they said "God bless you" and sat back down to their coffee and conversation. as i continued on my way to the subway station, a young girl walked up behind me wearing headphones and as she passed me she took out her headphones and said "i'm so glad you are ok!" - she smiled and put her headphones back in and went on her way in front of me. i walked into a souvineer shop, hoping to find a little gift for the kids (i had intended to stop by the shopping mall on Boylston after the marathon to get them something) - the shop owner in his Boston accent talked to me about the race and told me that he was actually home cutting his grass that afternoon - he said he typically goes down to the race finish line but his wife had a "To Do" list for him to complete at home that afternoon :) he said he was thankful for his list of chores that afternoon!
in the subway, i saw many other marathon runners, all wearing their Boston jackets and each one of them had a unique story to share. one lady gave all of her clothes to a fellow marathoner that she met near her hotel the night of the marathon. the marathoner she met was locked out of her hotel (due to security reasons) and she was unable to get her clothes, driver's licence, etc. the lady ended up giving her all the cash she had with her, a credit card, and every piece of clothing she had brought with her. the marathoner had to cancel her flight because she could not get her driver's licence and therefore could not fly home. she was not sure how long she would have to stay in Boston. another lady sitting on the transfer bus to the airport was less than 1 mile from the finish when she was stopped by the crowd barrier while her friend had run ahead of her in the race --- for a while that afternoon - she was not sure if her friend was ok. after several hours - the 2 friends reunited.
i arrived at the airport extra early - about 10am for a 1:15 flight. i found that i wasn't the only one who decided to arrive early for the 1:15 flight. security lines were not long like i had expected but on the other side of security the FBI and BPD were asking questions to marathon runners (the news said to expect this in the airport). i had packed my lunch and just needed to buy something to drink. i walked around the airport for about an hour - just like the city, the airport was pretty quiet. i'll admit - i walked around until i found a gate where there was a seat in front of a tv - with ... CNN playing the same news story again ... over and over and over again. only this time, it was a little different - it was from the prospective of the national news and not the local news. although the story didn't seem much different - i still could not believe that i WAS so close the day before. i boarded the plane with mostly marathon runners (everyone had their jacket on) - but everyone still remained quiet. once i landed in chicago, i felt some sort of releif --- i felt like a little drop of oil dispersed in a tub of water (i can't think of another way to describe it).... feeling kind of strange but the quantity of marathon jackets decreased as i traveled through o'hare. even o'hare seemed a little more quiet than usual... .maybe it's because my 4 kids that i'm used to keeping track of in the airport were home :)
i got into my car and started on my 2.5+ hour ride home. i could not wait to get home that night.
nothing warms my hear more than the smiles and joy these people bring me! (helen took the picture)
on the way to the start of the marathon, i spotted a penny on the ground. it was heads up - so i picked it up and made a wish. i put the penny in my fuel belt pouch for safe keeping. i carry blueberries in my fuel belt pouch and i ate them throughout the marathon - for some reason, i felt the need to make sure that penny was there everytime i opened/closed my pouch. prior to starting any race, i always say a prayer of thanks for my health and i ask God to keep me safe through my race. that day, i KNOW God heard my prayer! and i am forever thankful for that.
it seemed that Tuesday night was back to normal, we cleaned up after dinner and gave the kids a shower. i sat with Helen as she read her books and tucked Jillian into bed. put the boys to bed and i crashed myself. i woke up the next morning after a very restless night - to what seemed like a normal day in the life here.... kids getting breakfast and delivering the kids to school. I walked into the elementary school office and received at least 3 hugs and greetings of thankfulness that i was ok, i volunteered in jayden's class that morning, and then i headed to the gym to try and work out the soreness in my legs... except things didn't really seem the same to me that day. i had feelings and thoughts in my head that i couldn't explain. i tried to go about my "normal" routine. on thursday, i dropped jillian off at preschool and thought should i got back home?..... you know to turn on CNN AGAIN or should i go to the pool. i chose to go to the pool and i'm so glad i did. throughout the rest of the week - i received many hugs from people i knew and it really warmed my heart.
i haven't really done much running since the marathon and that's very unusual for me - i've started my ironman training and i really think it's been the best thing for me. it's given me a little variety and less focus on running. while i've been in the pool or riding my bike - i've been trying to come up with words to actually express how i'm feeling inside - it seems like i have all these thoughts in my head but i can't put them into words. i just know that i'm so thankful that i've been given a second chance at life.
(article in the local newspaper)
