deep thoughts

i've been thinking about this post for a while......how i want to formalize my thoughts and express them.... i'm not really a deep thoughts kind of person - what you see it what you get with me....my friends in Holland nicknamed me supermum....i like to think i'm more of a Clark Kent but lately i've been feeling like i left my cape in Holland.....i'm having a hard time adjusting to life in Sturgis, MI..... there's not much "life" in Sturgis to be honest.... there's a Wal-mart...... and well, that's about it.....honestly one can only take so much of "wal-mart" if you know what i mean. i can't help but think of the cold and snowy winter that we have ahead of us..... it's dark by 5:30pm.....my complaints could go on....

last weekend we drove to kenosha to clean up our house and get it ready for sale. little did i know this task would be very difficult for me. as i steam cleaned the carpets i think i put more tears back into the carpeting. as i pushed the steam cleaner back and forth over the carpet - the memories of each room came flooding back to me..... the green room where we brought 3 of our 4 babies home to.... the many sleepless nights i trudged back and forth from this room to our room .....the blue room where graham slept in his toddler bed for the first time and opened his FIRST birthday presents on the floor next to the window..... the front door where we welcomed many of our family and friends.... and the living room where the kids each learned to walk (well except for jillian)... the tile floor where many, many, many crumbs fell from the table.

after being gone from the house for almost 2 years - i quickly realized it wasn't just a house.... it was a place of memories and a place where our family made friends. seeing it empty was very difficult for me..... i have often used the phrases "home is where your family is... as long as you have them close.... things will be ok".... but that wasn't the case for me last Saturday... 2 of my neighbors stopped by and i had all i could do to hold back my tears.... it was hard for me to see them in my house.... knowing i would not be back in that house again.

all this week i pondered this post...... complained to Ross (many times) about how much I hate Sturgis and my struggles of feeling like a stranger in my own land..... i read a facebook post from a person i went to high school with - his daughter was born with a terminal illness - they only had a few months with her.... it was at this exact moment that i decided my attitude needed to change - i needed to pull myself up by the bootstraps.... and stop complaining! i am going to make the best of my situation----the boys love their school ... helen enjoys her dance and swimming lessons.... counting the Amish horse and buggies in the Wal-mart parking lot.... getting nipped in the butt by a crazy farm dog makes life exiciting, right.....it's not an ideal location but it is what it is...... i have a nice, warm home, a car that will get me to the places i "need" to go, a healthy family, and friends who keep in touch with me where ever i may be! i'm a lucky girl !

and a little humor to end this deep thouhts post! Jillian will hate me later for posting this picture..... she is showing some interest in potty training and i couldn't be more excited!!